adjectives

i know that i can be described in a million different ways. after all, just about anybody can have a slightly different opinion about me from everybody else.

i myself have a slightly oblique perception of who i am
i've decided to waste a single, perfectly innocent blog entry to discuss just that.

i now present to you the top five words that oddly (and i dare add, honestly) describe me.

5: ambitious.
this is a term that is currently seen in a negative light
it can lead to self destruction and fatality at its worst
on the other hand, it can lead to success.
i call myself ambitious because i want a lot of things (that are often hard to achieve)
i see the world as the perfect stage to test my limits
and i see life as the perfect excuse to keep trying
and am stubbornly goal driven

4: fickle-minded
synonymous almost to inconsistency
or instability.
i would have loved to say that i am cunningly fixed and stable. but i'm not.
i change dispositions at a whim
my opinion today may be entirely different from what my opinions would be tomorrow
i wish i could tone this down or control this though,
because i often find myself changing lanes because i've once again changed my mind on what i want

3: am 'high-maintenance'
i wish i could brag that i am simple
or that i am a cowboy.
but i can't.
i have naturally expensive taste on almost everything. (although i can't afford them)
i enjoy the finer things in life
to me, there is nothing fun in roughing it up in climbing mountains or going camping.
fun to me would mean luxury (which of course, i cannot afford again)
i am in constant need of attention, caring and concern (but i'm capable of giving this as well)
they say that people who are high maint are insecure.
maybe there's truth to that. in some aspects. (but not entirely)
(life here agrees with me because it is normal to buy a pack of already-grated-or-sliced cheese, drinking juice means pouring it from a box and not spooning powder into a glass, veggies and fruits are already sliced and ready to eat -- and lots of other conveniences...these examples only mean being high maintenance also mean i'm freaking LAZY!)

2: jologs
again, i wish im more of a sophisticated but i'm not.
because as much as i like indie films and intelli films
i also like tagalog films.
i don't care being seen getting out of a movie house after i watched something from Star Cinema
while those with more 'refined'-taste Filipinos claim they don't watch these kinds, i really do.
i am a fan of anne curtis and sarah geronimo
i like following teleseryes
and listen to OPM, a lot.
and looked forward to watching ASAP and the Buzz every Sunday
i watched sarah's concert last August and if i hadn't already left, i would also have gone to the erik santos' concert last October.
i'm not ashamed of this aspect of myself. it's just that i don't know a lot of people who i can share and enjoy these with.

however, i believe being jologs is part of the uber-rich Pinoy culture.
these things can be found only in the Philippines, and nowhere else.
and admitting I AM jologs only mean that im one proud Pinay.

1: complicated
i am indeed a bunch of complications that border on complexity
to try to explain this would give rise to a whole new list of adjectives and their accompanying antonyms.
some people have a hard time liking me because of this. (yeah. some people can't even stand me)
my personality could vary depending on my mood.
i can be as good as an angel or an insufferable bitch
im not proud of being complicated. i just accept that its just the way i am.


wiser men say that the first phase of changing or improving is awareness that there's need for it.
well, i may be aware.
but i may not want to change.
being self-aware is only important to me in as much as it allows me to soften my rough edges a bit
or to decide which way to react or to act (in certain scenarios)

its a self-preservation thing.