Chasing Pavements

Right...I'm now well into 2010, the first quarter is well into it's last month, I've got 20 days till my next holiday, I've gotten well inducted into my job (and fell out of love with it already-more on that later)....and I do believe I've made the first part of my decision.

I'm leaving UK

:> The earliest is end of August and the latest is 1st of September. I'm going to inform my manager at work of my dilemma when I get back from holiday and I'll ask her to give her verdict on my situation as I can no longer do anything about it.

This is the gyst. Now, how did I come to it?

Well I weighed the possibilities of staying in the UK...and it's close to nil. The 2 possibilities were if I get a sponsor company to work (yeah, right) or re-apply as student. I looked into both possibilities to merit proper consideration. I did my research and dipped my feet in enough to realise that both are not very viable at present state. In reality, the overall climate of the UK towards non EU's is frosty! They just don't want to open their doors.

I realised that incurring the costs of applying or hiring an agency just to fight for something that I am not even happy to fight for is a lost cause. I cannot see myself staying in my current employment because, for one, the company don't do sponsorships. And secondly, I've fallen out of love with the people I work with already.

Sad to say...but, as much as I love working for the people I assist, and knowing that I can make a difference in their lives...the people I work with are doing a very good job in making me all jaded and disillusioned. Some are lazy, irresponsible dodgers, sarcastic, fussy, go-behind-your-back-fakers, and some are just downright vile. To be fair, they do have a heart of gold to be in the 'care' profession but, I think what they fail to realise is, the people they work with deserve to be treated properly too. It's all good of course, for them to treat the folks we assist with love and devotion...and I truly commend and I applaud that. But they are not self-sufficient islands and they must learn to value staff, too! No wonder, they have a very high turnover rate!!!

I would definitely feel bad leaving because I've come to love the ladies and gents I assist...but I definitely will not miss some of the staff! I must say thought that I owe them this decision. They helped me realise this isn't worth it...in the end, when I weigh what I have to live with on a daily basis and the effort I must put in and the risk I have to take to be living in that kind of daily life...it just doesn't add up.

So I've decided to leave. Depending to my talk to Diane in April, I might leave by July or even earlier...I'm currently considering lowering my working hours on the run up to July so I can jumpstart the process of getting myself ready to leave ie. claiming tax refunds, closing bank accounts, making sure I will leave without any trouble running after me....


I say that I've made the first part of my decision because I still am considering a few destinations to try my luck in...Dubai, Brunei and Canada...

The prospect of Canada is becoming bleaker everyday because I've made contact and registered to a company who seem to avoiding me now that I've made a deposit!!! It's £100 so it's not that bad a loss, but if nothing comes out of it by next week I will make sure that they won't be paid the rest of their service charge! After all, I am paying for a service - which I'm not getting. So, I will definitely, definitely make sure they won't get anymore money out of me!

Anyways...if I don't end up in Canada, then I don't end up in Canada. It's as simple as that. It might be too cold over there for me anyways....


I could still go to Dubai. I might apply for a 2-months visa and look for work there. But, quite honestly, one of the biggest put off about the place is my bestfriend herself. Why? Well, because she's not encouraging me to go there at all. Everytime I bring up the topic, she always tells me that I should think about it and prepare myself...because she don't want me to feel like she's pressuring me to come there!!! Well, she'd doing the opposite, isn't she?!? She's kinda making me feel that she doesn't really want me there, that she thinks I can't handle the lifestyle there...and that I might not make it there. I'm sure that she doesn't mean for me to feel that she's thinking these stuff...but it's just what I can gather about her attitude about this whole thing.

So, it's either she really wants me there, and just don't want me to blame her if things don't work out, or...she's just too preoccupied with her own life's drama she really can't decipher the gravity of mine. Anyways, I don't blame her...she's my oldest friend, and quite honestly, I get her.

I'm also considering Brunei. Another friend based there right now has invited me. She's very, very keen and I'm really warming up to the idea. It's a very quiet Muslim country with British values, I don't need a visa for a 14day visit, and it's very close to my home country. It's also not a very popular destination for jobhunters like me...so I do believe my chances are good! So yeah, Brunei is totally in my radar now. I'm considering even going there first, coming home and if nothing comes from it, try Dubai as a last option. My bestfriend might not appreciate that Dubai is my last option, but I don't particularly feel warm about the idea since she's not painting me a picture of the whole thing, so it's quite difficult for me to imagine myself actually being there.


So for now, Ima just gonna endure crap so I can save up enough money, and enjoy my last few months in the UK. I'm no longer feeling much pull to stay here. I've spoken to my Mum and she fully gets me. She knows that if it comes to it, I can always come back when the ridiculous rules have lightened up. But for now, the doors of the UK is closing on me...and I ain't gonna force the issue. What I would like to have for my last few months is, less drama, less baggage, and lots of fun and first time experiences.

I'm not going to take flak at work. I'm gonna work hard but will try not to let the bitchin' affect me...I mean, what's the point? I'd be gone in a few months... Sometimes, when I think about it, if I didn't have to leave, I don't know how long I'd be able to stay there. I do appreciate that this job is teaching me a lot of things, and helping me earn some much needed moolah to fuel my ends...but that's about it for now. I won't strain myself to accommodate things that I don't want to accommodate...and, I won't apologise for prioritising myself!!!

I guess, I must thank them that they are teaching me to stand up for myself, protect myself from abuse and realise that I can, in fact, say 'NO'. I don't need to force myself to do things to help other people if it will mean, sacrifice and agony for me. I don't owe them anything. Kindness and niceties has it's limits, people. I mean, maybe I've been a pushover but it sure didn't get me anywhere....so, I'm done with that!

Now, of course...a part of me is also considering just coming back to the Philippines. I'm thinking up possibilities for small businesses that I could start...or relevant and worthwhile things that I can get into while I consider my options there.

As of now, I'm still very much up for grabs! Who knows, I might still end up staying in the UK!!! But, I'd only do this one if I get a job sponsorship! (Student visa is definitely out of the table)

Hence, I entitled this entry as 'Chasing Pavements' precisely because of the first two lines of the song. Here's the lyrics anyways:


I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further
This ain't lust, I know this is love

But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough
'Cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do if I'd end up with you

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

I build myself up and fly around in circles
Wait then as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep on chasing pavements
Should I just keep on chasing pavements?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?


I'm very much aware of it's person reference, but I still can't help but think that it's relatable to my situation.
xx