Top 5 Preoccupations

WOW! its been such a long time that I almost forgot I have this blog in existence (and worthy of being updated if I may add!) even if I am the only one who get to read and enjoy it. haha!

I have been quite busy -nay, swamped with so many things in the past few months that I failed to keep a trail of thoughts behind in here. I will try with passion to make up for lost time. But my thoughts are still in chaos at the moment, I really don't know where to start. Well, to make it seem that I have even a blink of innate organisation within me (and for the fact that I quite like doing it) I will do the top 5 preoccupations of mine that kept me away from my sane and happy place. (yes! you've guessed it, that is right here - in this blog)

I must warn you though that this entry will be quite lengthy rivaling the pages of a thin novel. Ha! Just kidding, I will try not to bore anyone with the gory details and aim at entertaining the unsuspected reader. To be honest, it has been a gruelling ride since I was last here. So prepare to be updated.

Now, without further ado, I now present my top 5 Preoccupations in the last 10 weeks or so I haven't written here:


5. Planning for and the actual trip to London - dated 28 March 2008
I never thought this would actually happen to be honest. But Carol and I was quite determined. We started planning around February (around the same time I disappeared from here); we tried not to leave any stone unturned - from transportation, hotel, places to visit, finances, clothing and food! It was quite a thrilling ride. The building up of excitement while we were counting the day until the moment finally arrived was gruelling yet gave a sense of being alive. We felt that there is something to look forward to that made getting through the cold and endless winter days bearable. We would meet for hours on a monday making notes, computing budgets and drafting iteneraries. Then we chat over Yahoo Messenger day dreaming about it.

The countdown finally came to an end. At last, the day has arrived.
On the day of the trip though, it didn't look too promising. It was a gloomy day, cold and raining. The coach to London was late and the traffic took the trip almost 8 hours. But arrival in London felt like coming home! Forget the rain, forget the tiring ride over. We have arrived. As we couldn't find the hotel and had absolutely no clue how to find it, we managed to hire a taxi to do the job for us. We had a reservation in one of the tiny cheap hotels. The good thing though was the Indian guy manning the front desk was friendly and helpful. Although we were on the top floor of the hotel with no lifts, we started hauling our heavy luggage up to freshen up and start our city exploration. We were so excited we spent the whole night just walking about. Not even minding where we are going. London is absolutely fascinating at night. Even if the clubs are already closed. Even if the people coming out of bars in Leicester were already quite drunk and loud, it was just great. We had a nice satisfying meal in a chinese restaurant. Good thing Carol was Chinese as she ordered great food! I was so full! After literally freezing out for hours, we finally arrive back in the hotel around 1am. We planned an early morning so we had to bath before we slept that night, and not to mention dry our hairs. haha!

8 am wake up time. We had a nice noodle for breakfast and immediately went off. We went all over. We had to use a map all the time to know where we are and how to get to our destinations. I tell you know, this city is not for the faint hearted. The underground is a myriad of sorts that need quite a bit of messing about and figuring out to finally make sense. But once it dit, well it was a joy to ride in the tube as it gets you anywhere real quick. Get this, we only stayed in London a full whole day and a half but we managed to cover the essentials. We were at the Tower Bridge, Harrods, Parliament, Westminster Abbey, Trafalgar Square and National Gallery. We didn't have enough time to visit the Queen but hey, this is an achievement! In between all this, the picture taking , the shopping, the dining and the getting lost part - it was overall an amazing experience. That in just a bit more than £200 - it was all worth it! Although I think London would be lovelier during the summer months.


4. School Work.
Ok ok...i know how preposterous this may sound to you. However, I found the amount of work that needed finishing quite unnerving. I thought I was seriously going to lose it. I had 7 Module assignments in all to finish. And each one of them needed approximately 50-100 hours to accomplish. In between those was my equal determination to juggle my new found obsession of watching ABS CBN Primetime shows through the internet (mainly to keep my homesickness at bay). I had my hours spent at home terribly full.

In truth, I am now getting the impression that the input coming from the College is not commensurate to the amount of money I paid nor to the amount of effort that I've been putting in it. I think I had very high expectations from a United Kingdom institution. But, watever! I still somehow feel now that I had been ripped off! Seriously! There are seriously times during the class that I know I am wasting my time being there. I don't know if it is only in 2nd term that I felt it or I was just in denial during the first term. That, or perhaps I was so elated at being here (with the amount of money I spent and with wanting it hard enough) that I was determined to appreciate everything even if there was nothing to appreciate. I now recall the moments when I felt I dont belong in the class because I am not even invited to join in discussions (or I just don't feel like joining) or when the instructor just talks about rubish - I didn't even notice. All I know (or realised) was as the days go by, my eagerness, persistence and energy with attending classes was being significantly diminished. Now, I've reached a point of merely tolerating being there. Because I know my attendance is a necessity in my legal right to stay here in the UK.

Knowing myself though, I still tried to finish the requirements on time. I myself knew however, that they weren't as good as the 1st batch of assignments I turned in. I feel I am now missing the point. It's like a feeling of resignation but it was still testing my endurance. I persevered (and still is) just to get through. I knew that summer isn't that far away and I think about this everytime I had to wake up at 6am or waiting for the number 12 bus. It's getting more and more excruciating, and I have several days to go. I can do this though. I believe I can.


3. Work Work
My work exposes me to all kinds of desolate situations. From severe hopelessness to the downright bizaare. I face problems left, right, back, and forth. Since I am now doing both frontline advising and administrative work there are days that felt like it goes on for weeks; Days that seem to never end when that's all I hope it would do.
End.
Just end and put a stop to my misery. There are even times when I went to work without a blink of sleep from worrying about the day ahead. It felt untoward yet familiar: the anxiety and stress.

Nevertheless, I feel a sense of becoming in this job. It is laborious yet rewarding. Though I can still feel like I am useless everytime a client dumps his/her problems on me. Why? Because some of the problems I encounter are out of this world and have no solutions. But both the client and myself need TO DEAL. I know I have a plethora of learnings and experiences still waiting for me if I stay for long in this job. And sometimes I wish I really could.


2. Wu Chun Fever
On a lighter note, I found myself being touched by a very unlikely person (who doesn't have a clue I exist). And he is none other than Brunei born Taiwanese actor Wu Chun. I had the chance to watch some of his series through the internet and I find him absolutely heavenly. I knew I was growing a crush everytime get a chance to watch him. He was just too pretty and HOT!

I did my research - Because I couldn't get enough of him, even after running a marathon in watching his series *Hana Kimi and *Romantic Princess online. I found he holds a degree in Business Admin from Australia, he used to be a gym instructor in Brunei - now has his own 2 branches; he is more comfortable in English than in Mandarin (but learned to be fluent in a short span of time) and to top it all off; he is such a BEAUTIFUL PERSON - inside! He has his own blog and I read every entry. He is worthy of praise and I can sing it for hours. But I wont, coz I don't want you falling in love with him too.

I just can't believe that at my age I am still capable of nursing a hung up on someone I may never even have a chance to see in person... come on, what the effing **** is wrong with me?????


1.. Problems with staying here
This is like the cliffhanger part which I don't really wish to elaborate on. It just so happen that while on the process of researching for one of my school assignments I found out that the matriculation fees for next school year will go up substantially high. It's now up to £7000 and even if I try with all of me to save and live a frugal life I will not be able to afford it. I have no intention of asking for a loan from my parents or anyone for this. And ofcourse, if I don't study - my visa will no longer be valid. And that's that. There's really nothing I can do. I have currently commenced a frantic job hunt all over the world in hopes of securing myself a stable income. I am keeping a positive outlook and hoping for the very best. I just hope it all works out in the end.