It's that time of the year again!!! (7 out of 12)

So here's my TO DO LIST ver. 2010:

1. Start life savings. Aim for £3000 by mid year!
2. Visit one more Schengen territory (ie. Spain, Belgium, Greece)
3. Exhaust all possibilities to renew visa in the UK (mummy wants me here!)
4. Visit Tere in Dubai and perhaps try to find opportunities there
5. Get my first designer bag...I was rooting for an LV or Gucci but all I was able to manage was a Longchamp...so ima trying again this year.
6. Get a new laptop - a Sony Vaio or, another Dell or a MacBook
7. Come home to attend my Lola's 80'th Birthday, Arlyn's wedding and spend Christmas 2010 at home sweet home.
8. Find my passion - careerwise
9. Watch a musical in West End
10. Watch a concert, show at the O2
11. See 2 or more places in the UK which I haven't visited yet; ie. Cornwall, York, Cambridge, Canterbury, Scotland, Ireland etc.
11. Take up a new hobby.
12. Be more health conscious and exercise!!!

7 OUT OF 12!!!!

WOW!!! I've actually done quite well in 2010!!! I had such a blast! A brilliant year, it was!

An hour and 20 minutes till 2011 takes over and I'm still pondering which realistic goals i should to set for myself this year. I mean setting goals seem to be working well with me. And it really is awesome to be working towards things that matter.

But first off, let me provide a quick run down of the last quarter of 2010 that went sooooo quickly for me.

Coming home to the Philippines - dropping by Kuala Lumpur on the way...visiting Rosey in Brunei, crossing the border to Miri, Malaysia. Here in the Philippines, I had Cebu and Boracay. My first diving lesson...starting on a new job in my old company...WOW! WHIRLWIND!

It seems that I haven't come up for air since August. May I just state, for whatever it's worth, that I LOVE my life. I am grateful to God for showering me with blessings, for my family, and for my friends. I CHOOSE positivity and happiness. I am fine.

I admit though, that I was left in tears a few times in 2010. Leaving UK was brutal, and my family leaving for the UK after a short holiday in Manila was just agony. But hey, that's life.

For 2011 I have new goals:

1. Visit 3 ASIAN Countries (booked HK- twice coming this year, and Beijing already)

2. Visit 2 local destinations

3. Start a small business - food, bazaars, on-line selling

4. BE AWAY on Holiday for my birthday (its the big three-0h this year!!!)

5. Get a pension plan

6. Get a CAR

Errrr, I feel really odd looking at the list. It seems that since most of them involve money, I'm going to have to make priorities. Hence, I might have to let some of them go or carve it out to suit my new lifestyle. I guess for 2011, what's important is to get settled...in my new life in Manila, in my job, and pursue my passions. I need to start setting the foundation for the future as I've always believed that preparation is KEY.

Truth is, travel is my passion. Starting a business would help brake the monotony of employment, being on holiday for my birthday will help me deal with my personal demons, getting a pension plan will help me start on the future, and getting a car would make life so much easier for me. They are all very important goals. So I need to be very, very, frugal to enable me to do them all...I need to focus all my energy on saving money and NOT spending on the not so important!. Ayt, seems like I've got my work cut out for me!!!

I'm ecstatic!!! Truly hopeful and excited for what's in store. I have a gut feel that 2011 will top 2010!!!

Let's drink to that!!!!

Cheers!

Cheerios Mate-y!

It's just gone past 11 tonight and I am sleepy and tired. But sleep is the last thing on my mind...i'll be leaving England in the morning and there's just too many things to think about. Especially because I don't know for sure when I would be coming back - months? years? who knows anymore?

I'm passing through another crossroad in my life and as much as I've known this day was gonna come for a while, and as much as I've emotionally prepared myself, I can't help but feel totally, and unequivocally, heart broken. I will miss everything and everyone and perhaps it's best to not elaborate on that. But yes, I am crying inside. I never meant to live here for good. But I had wanted to stay longer, and I had meant to leave on my own terms - especially since my parents and sister are staying here for a while. Realistically, it will always be a priority for me to come visit here, or grab any future opportunity that will bring me back here. However, who knows where life would lead me from here on?

My thoughts are a mess, my emotions are no better...I hope my few days in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia will help break my fall, clear my thoughts and get me on the other end of this turmoil. I wanna find my mojo again so to speak. I want to hit the ground running when I get to Manila. I need to find a job whether locally or outside again - as long as I find a really good opportunity, I'd be happy to go. I have personal goals - both simple and extravagant - and I really, really wish for these goals to be realised. But obviously, I need a proper income, a direction in life, a stable career.

Well, let's see, to help lighten my mood tonight allow me to put in writing a couple of these said goals:

1 - Celebrate my 30th birthday in 2011 in Japan

2 - Come back to England for the 2012 Olympics

So as you can see these are just my two most "high-end" goals...I call them goal because I fully intend on achieving them. So how do I do that? I need to earn good, stable money...and I have to do it fast. Okay...so you ask me, what if I need to chose between the two because I can't have both? Simple answer. I choose the Olympics - that being a event of 4 year intervals. I can always plan on Japan afterwards again, right?

Anyways, I wish good opportunities would open up for me. Because I really, really hope to apply all my new learnings now. I pray to heavens for guidance and strength cause I know that I've got my work cut out for me.

For now, I bid you farewell mate-y, >>>England, UK, Europe... cheerios!!!

Hope I'd be back before you know it! (or faster than you can utter goodbye!)

(By the way, I fully intend to follow your football so give me some real good matches, ayt?!)

And, Asia...here I come! ^_^

First stop, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Let's do this!

LoVeRRR (David Villa)

(very short entry - FAN MODE: ON)

I've fallen in love!!!!

...with football!

HAHA!

So, I guess it's inevitable, having lived in the UK, specifically England...and having just witnessed the unbelievably rivetting FIFA World Cup 2010. But, I blame this person the most:

David Villa Sanchez of Spain **drools** ^_^

Oh Mah Gawwd....how gorgeous is he?!?!?

Anyways, I'm not one to focus on the physical really, but after witnessing his brilliance at the World Cup I'm just awestruck and done in for good!

I totally LOVE him!!!

And I now LURVE football so friggin much!

So I guess...I've got a new obsession. (while I wait in agony as Michael Phelps try to regain his rhythm for the upcoming 2012 Olympics)

My loverrr, (as I fondly call him) was awarded the 'Silver Shoe' with five goals in the 2010 World Cup Finals, 'Bronze Bal'l for his overall performance and selected to be part of the FIFA World Cup All-Star Team.

He's got a career total of 235 goals and international total of 43, only one goal short of Spain's record holder, Raul.

If after all these facts you still don't believe me about David Villa's fatal striker intincts, check out his World Cup 2010 goals here:

Anyways, he's just signed with FC Barcelona for £35Million (4 years with an option for a 5th year) and I am just super thrilled!!! He's just made his first goal at Camp Nou for Barca against AC Milan at the Joan Gamper held last night (Aug 25 2010):

Check out the goal here.

So there. I am bloody happy with yet another obsession ;p

Aaaaand, i'm now an all out Spain and FCBarcelona fan!!! xx

Over and Out.

Spring has Sprung in Spain!!!

Last March 24-April 1 had a blast doing 2 holidays (or a single holiday with 2 phases) first was to Glastonbury & Bath, Somerset with my youngest sis to visit my titas and then with Carol (in pic) to Costa Brava & Barcelona, Spain.

I loooooove, luv, lurve LOVE it!!!

Omygosh!!! i think I now work, play and live for and towards holidays...Despite the non-stop rains whilst we were in Somerset, it was just divine! I totally love spendin time with family! And shopping of course, it never goes out of season.

Oh, but I guess it goes without saying that the Spain holiday was just great! I love Spain, everything about it was a dream! The people were all nice, the scenery was splendid, the food was delicious and Barcelona, I must say is underrated! I mean, despite having very low expectations because; A. Spain was not my first choice, B. we were headed for the beach in a not so beach-friendly season (spring), C. my neverending visa dilemma D. budget constraints, it turned out to be a holiday that would be very hard to top!

We were blessed with great weather, and by great I mean, simply sunny, clear blue skies...it was 16 degrees and windy but we headed for the beach anyways. (albeit the layering and notice the leggings? =))

I'm very, very satisfied with this holiday, the preparation was minimal, but the place was divine...the satisfaction exceeded expectation. I am now a great believer in booking airport transfers AND, half-board accommodation for hotels! It just takes away a whole lot of worries and stress while you can devote more time enjoying and chillaxing! whoah!!! Soon, i'll be calling a brainstorming session for the next holiday!


Oh, and I didn't have a proper camera to the Spain trip because my water bottle spilt at London Victoria while waiting to go to Gatwick...this damanged my one and only used-to-be-trusty camera...too bad!!! (i was really worried that this happening was an omen that the holiday would be a horrid one...but, glad that it was actually too great for words!) ...Thank heavens for blackberry putting a 3.0mp on BB Tour! But i do need a new digicam...preferably an SLR.


**Just an off topic addendum...one more thing to tick off my list for 2010 I bought myself a new LV Neverfull bag in Damier leather and GM size!!! Wow! seems like im doing well on this list!


barelona football stadium

Chasing Pavements

Right...I'm now well into 2010, the first quarter is well into it's last month, I've got 20 days till my next holiday, I've gotten well inducted into my job (and fell out of love with it already-more on that later)....and I do believe I've made the first part of my decision.

I'm leaving UK

:> The earliest is end of August and the latest is 1st of September. I'm going to inform my manager at work of my dilemma when I get back from holiday and I'll ask her to give her verdict on my situation as I can no longer do anything about it.

This is the gyst. Now, how did I come to it?

Well I weighed the possibilities of staying in the UK...and it's close to nil. The 2 possibilities were if I get a sponsor company to work (yeah, right) or re-apply as student. I looked into both possibilities to merit proper consideration. I did my research and dipped my feet in enough to realise that both are not very viable at present state. In reality, the overall climate of the UK towards non EU's is frosty! They just don't want to open their doors.

I realised that incurring the costs of applying or hiring an agency just to fight for something that I am not even happy to fight for is a lost cause. I cannot see myself staying in my current employment because, for one, the company don't do sponsorships. And secondly, I've fallen out of love with the people I work with already.

Sad to say...but, as much as I love working for the people I assist, and knowing that I can make a difference in their lives...the people I work with are doing a very good job in making me all jaded and disillusioned. Some are lazy, irresponsible dodgers, sarcastic, fussy, go-behind-your-back-fakers, and some are just downright vile. To be fair, they do have a heart of gold to be in the 'care' profession but, I think what they fail to realise is, the people they work with deserve to be treated properly too. It's all good of course, for them to treat the folks we assist with love and devotion...and I truly commend and I applaud that. But they are not self-sufficient islands and they must learn to value staff, too! No wonder, they have a very high turnover rate!!!

I would definitely feel bad leaving because I've come to love the ladies and gents I assist...but I definitely will not miss some of the staff! I must say thought that I owe them this decision. They helped me realise this isn't worth it...in the end, when I weigh what I have to live with on a daily basis and the effort I must put in and the risk I have to take to be living in that kind of daily life...it just doesn't add up.

So I've decided to leave. Depending to my talk to Diane in April, I might leave by July or even earlier...I'm currently considering lowering my working hours on the run up to July so I can jumpstart the process of getting myself ready to leave ie. claiming tax refunds, closing bank accounts, making sure I will leave without any trouble running after me....


I say that I've made the first part of my decision because I still am considering a few destinations to try my luck in...Dubai, Brunei and Canada...

The prospect of Canada is becoming bleaker everyday because I've made contact and registered to a company who seem to avoiding me now that I've made a deposit!!! It's £100 so it's not that bad a loss, but if nothing comes out of it by next week I will make sure that they won't be paid the rest of their service charge! After all, I am paying for a service - which I'm not getting. So, I will definitely, definitely make sure they won't get anymore money out of me!

Anyways...if I don't end up in Canada, then I don't end up in Canada. It's as simple as that. It might be too cold over there for me anyways....


I could still go to Dubai. I might apply for a 2-months visa and look for work there. But, quite honestly, one of the biggest put off about the place is my bestfriend herself. Why? Well, because she's not encouraging me to go there at all. Everytime I bring up the topic, she always tells me that I should think about it and prepare myself...because she don't want me to feel like she's pressuring me to come there!!! Well, she'd doing the opposite, isn't she?!? She's kinda making me feel that she doesn't really want me there, that she thinks I can't handle the lifestyle there...and that I might not make it there. I'm sure that she doesn't mean for me to feel that she's thinking these stuff...but it's just what I can gather about her attitude about this whole thing.

So, it's either she really wants me there, and just don't want me to blame her if things don't work out, or...she's just too preoccupied with her own life's drama she really can't decipher the gravity of mine. Anyways, I don't blame her...she's my oldest friend, and quite honestly, I get her.

I'm also considering Brunei. Another friend based there right now has invited me. She's very, very keen and I'm really warming up to the idea. It's a very quiet Muslim country with British values, I don't need a visa for a 14day visit, and it's very close to my home country. It's also not a very popular destination for jobhunters like me...so I do believe my chances are good! So yeah, Brunei is totally in my radar now. I'm considering even going there first, coming home and if nothing comes from it, try Dubai as a last option. My bestfriend might not appreciate that Dubai is my last option, but I don't particularly feel warm about the idea since she's not painting me a picture of the whole thing, so it's quite difficult for me to imagine myself actually being there.


So for now, Ima just gonna endure crap so I can save up enough money, and enjoy my last few months in the UK. I'm no longer feeling much pull to stay here. I've spoken to my Mum and she fully gets me. She knows that if it comes to it, I can always come back when the ridiculous rules have lightened up. But for now, the doors of the UK is closing on me...and I ain't gonna force the issue. What I would like to have for my last few months is, less drama, less baggage, and lots of fun and first time experiences.

I'm not going to take flak at work. I'm gonna work hard but will try not to let the bitchin' affect me...I mean, what's the point? I'd be gone in a few months... Sometimes, when I think about it, if I didn't have to leave, I don't know how long I'd be able to stay there. I do appreciate that this job is teaching me a lot of things, and helping me earn some much needed moolah to fuel my ends...but that's about it for now. I won't strain myself to accommodate things that I don't want to accommodate...and, I won't apologise for prioritising myself!!!

I guess, I must thank them that they are teaching me to stand up for myself, protect myself from abuse and realise that I can, in fact, say 'NO'. I don't need to force myself to do things to help other people if it will mean, sacrifice and agony for me. I don't owe them anything. Kindness and niceties has it's limits, people. I mean, maybe I've been a pushover but it sure didn't get me anywhere....so, I'm done with that!

Now, of course...a part of me is also considering just coming back to the Philippines. I'm thinking up possibilities for small businesses that I could start...or relevant and worthwhile things that I can get into while I consider my options there.

As of now, I'm still very much up for grabs! Who knows, I might still end up staying in the UK!!! But, I'd only do this one if I get a job sponsorship! (Student visa is definitely out of the table)

Hence, I entitled this entry as 'Chasing Pavements' precisely because of the first two lines of the song. Here's the lyrics anyways:


I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further
This ain't lust, I know this is love

But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough
'Cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do if I'd end up with you

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

I build myself up and fly around in circles
Wait then as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep on chasing pavements
Should I just keep on chasing pavements?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?


I'm very much aware of it's person reference, but I still can't help but think that it's relatable to my situation.
xx

end of january 2010 thoughts

i am at a very important crossroads. what do i do?

im not sure if staying in the UK is what i want to do anymore when September comes. i mean, i haven't got that warm feeling about the idea anymore. my current job is something i do with my eyes closed - i just really need the money, and i like assisting people who need my help but even with just over a month in there, i've seen loads of loopholes that i wish they could fix! i won't go into the boring details because that's crap but i'm pretty sure it's not the kind of place i want to stay in for long if this goes on. my back and shoulders hurt, parts of my legs turned blue from bumps, arms with 'battle' marks. it's really very physical and tiring...i honestly don't know how long i will last!

so if the job front isn't all that great, the only other consideration is the way it is at home. i love my mum to pieces...as in for her, the world, my life...but i can't be dependent forever. i came here to try to bond with my father and so we can get to know each other but the truth is, this is how it is. and it can't be changed. i ain't getting any younger and as much as i want to be close by, well i can't they've got their future laid out because they are going to stay in the UK permanently, but for me, it's different.

when i argue with my father sometimes, i ask myself why, why is this happening? i try to be as patient as i can but it runs dry at times too. it can't be helped.

if truth be told, a part of me wants to leave the UK too. the only consideration i've got is my mum and the slight chance that my future is actually here hiding somewhere...what shall i do?

i made contact with a college regarding the possibility of doing a course by Sept so i can have a new visa but to be honest, it's not going great. it's either i need £4500 and work part time, (yeah, right! how will i afford that?!) or do a cheaper NVQ course which will tie me down to my current job and make me indebted to them. so really, the prospect seems bleak to me. i don't wanna spend money i earned hard to pay a tuition and i don't want to stay long in this job.

this is my recession job. i really wish to go back into the corporate world if i can. i spoke with theresa about the possibility of finding work in dubai. so im also looking to go there. it's just difficult with all the things running around my head, and trying to make a decisison and making a schedule for this year. i guess i just need to go through it one day day at a time with my current work. but really, that part that wants to leave the UK is getting bigger everyday, and this only means that i need to pursue other options quick!

oh by the way, one of my 2010 to do's had been accomplished as i am using my new sony vaio to write this blog entry =) and i got myself a blackberry which i really fell in love with!!! as in totally! i wish i discovered it sooner!!!